Amma, my mother

I don’t understand how we can let go of the old to make way for the new. Agreed we need new beginnings, new people, new opportunities, but how do we just forget the old? Is it humanly possible? Right now, as I’m still trying to come to terms with the loss of my mother (it’s been two odd years), all I can think of is our life together when she was the centre of my existence. She who bathed me, plaited my hair, got me ready for school, packed my tiffin box with food that she cooked fresh every morning by 7 am so that I could eat during my lunch time. Most of my classmates carried bread & jam sandwiches but I always had fresh rasam, sambar, rice, veggies, pickle neatly packed in a carrier and crispies in a polythene cover. I relished every morsel and till date it’s because of this habit, I find previous day’s leftovers no matter how exotic, unpalatable. Not just me but my siblings had everything ready for the day at school in the wee hours of the morning. How did she do it so effortlessly?! And because she did it like a breeze with a smile on her lips that we thought it was the simplest chore to do. And to top it all, tens of my cousins would land up at our home during summer vacations. We indulged in merry fun and games while she made sure we had lavish meals, snacks and what have you! Whenever we saw her, she would be happily gossiping or playing Kaudi (equivalent to Ludo) with her brothers and sisters- in- law daring them to defeat her. It’s strange or am I thankless that I’m reliving her life after she’s gone to realms I cannot see or reach? Not once did I appreciate her for her superhuman efforts to give us a life. In fact, there was one constant complaint “You loved others more.” Why was I so greedy, blind and inconsiderate? And then, we all left home chasing our dreams and nightmares, realities and illusions. We went back from time to time when we got knocked by life or when she invited us over and over again for get-togethers. Mostly, I had other things to do and when she was insistent, I paid her a visit like I was doing her a favour. Not that I did it consciously but I did it anyway. She, on her part, was excited like a child to see me, my child or friends who accompanied me. She fed us enthusiastically, packed snacks and sent us back happily accompanying us till the gate waving her hand. How did you do it Amma? How? Now as you dwell in an unseen realm, all I can do is wave a good bye to you and see you in everything I do, everywhere I go…

Published by Vanaja Banagiri

Author, Editor, Poet, Art Promoter

12 thoughts on “Amma, my mother

  1. Very true every word written brings back those sweet memories. Was very fortunate to be a part of such sweetness in life. The difference being I continue to have the fortune of being with her an opportunity to do what she’s done to make me what I am. Yes amma,mummy or mamma

  2. Very true every word written brings back those sweet memories. Was very fortunate to be a part of such sweetness in life. The difference being I continue to have the fortune of being with her an opportunity to do what she’s done to make me what I am.

  3. Very well written Van!!! Unforgettable memories!!! Amma is our guiding light!!! She will always be with us.. Blessing us..showing us thw right path.. love u amma<3

  4. Your writing touched a chord…somewhere; very touching and a beautiful read as always. Miss reading your “Editor’s Notes”! “V-Zone” keeps me connected to your inspirational writing. Ma’am, you are truly blessed when it comes to writing! 🙂

  5. Very nice note. Reading and connecting with you after a long time. Indeed we all know that you are a versatile writer.

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