The first and the foremost important thing to start anew is to block the thoughts of the other person out of your mind. Use substitution. Think other thoughts. Don’t expect immediate results. The more you practise this mind-blocking technique, the better you get at it.
Next, sit down and make a list of every positive aspect of your life. Like good health, good job, good family relationships, good friends, a nice home, a healthy bank balance and so on. Every time you start feeling sorry for yourself, review the list mentally… “I have fabulous friends…and go on.” This form of positive programming is believed to be very effective in dealing with self pity.
Yet another way is to sit down and focus on all the negative aspects of the other person. Do this often and you’ll find yourself becoming more objective as you begin to see the relationship for what it really was! Your idealization of the relationship will lessen and you’ll be able to focus your attention on moving ahead.
Whoever said “It’s darkest before dawn and after every night comes a new day,” couldn’t have been more right. Learn from your experience and start afresh. Like Aditi, a poet, wrote a poem for her ex husband Tushar after he walked out of their marriage of a decade:
“What were you but a fragile spell I’d woven for myself?
And in the broken pieces,
I found the real you?
The real me.”
At the end of day, all of us are hit by the epiphany that there is nothing more important than loving oneself. In Whitney Houston’s words:
“Because the greatest love of all is happening to me.
I’ve found the greatest love of all inside of me!
The greatest love of all is to achieve.
Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.
And if by chance that special place you’ve been dreaming of leads you to a lonely space. Then you’re still in love.”