Every woman, I spoke to, said she has five needs – Conversational, Financial, Physical, Mental and Emotional. As life goes on, she begins to fulfill all those needs through parents, friends, college, job, colleagues, books, movies, holidays etc. as she waits for her MAN to appear in her world. Eventually he makes a grand entry, either through her parents’ efforts or her own choice. All is hunky dory. There is romance, there is fun, there is novelty in everything they do together. And then life takes over. A few years down the line, mostly the girl is disappointed with him and disillusioned with life. What went wrong? He is the same guy, isn’t he? I asked a few new and old wives the reason for their disappointment. One said,”Oh, he never talks to me.” Another said, “He doesn’t buy me gifts.” Yet another said, “When I want to be hugged, he doesn’t even realize it.” A long married one said,”I feel no connection. There is no stimulation. He’s so boring.” Girls will be girls, huh?
According to me, the problem lies in the fact that you’re expecting one man to fulfil all our needs. Now, wait a minute. Let’s deal with them one by one. 1. “He doesn’t talk to you.” So? Can’t you have amazing conversations with your friends and family? 2. Why do you want a man to buy you gifts if you can buy them for yourself? In fact, go buy one for him too. He’ll be thrilled. 3. When you want to be hugged and he doesn’t realise it, go hold him tight. I’m sure he will melt. And if he is not the touchy feely kind, go hug your pet who will be more than thrilled with your attention. It’s your need, not his! So you need to do something about it. 4. You feel no connection. There is no stimulation, did you say? Obviously, familiarity is known to kill fun. Find out where you have lost it! You can recreate the bond once again. Stimulation can come from books, movies, music, whatever interests you. He’s a man, not Sudoku, for God’s sake.
How, on earth, can one man or one woman fulfil all needs? The only component that is sacrosanct and cannot be shared with anybody else is physical intimacy and sex. Everything else is found everywhere else. Think about it!
PS: If you’re married to or involved with physically or emotionally abusive men, addicts or womanisers, please don’t bother with this advice, just dump them…